dead.

Haihs, i'm damn fking moody now.

I realise that today i blogged more than once i think -.-

Argh, i've been so bored the whole day. My dad haven't collected his iPhone. I can't wait to play with it :( Anyway i think almost whole day din talk to baby. Haihs, make me even more moody, then nothing to think about suddenly think about the dream from the other day, make me even MORE moody. Wapiang, how much more moody can i be? zzz.

I tell you, thats the most influencial dream i even had. It's so freaking disturbing. Because it's possible, not now, i mean future lah -.- Baby said it's impossible for him not to love me. Haihs no one knows the future leh baby. I feel like dying now omg, someone kill me please? Argh.

You know right, i'm actually very very very sensitive, just that i keep inside my heart nia. You think i like to show meh, pssh, i very good at hiding my feelings. Ah, except for if i cant take it then i'll just cry. My tears are th words that my heart cannot say. Rawr, can't tmrw come any faster? I need to see baby, like, now. It's bad enough we never really talked today. Gah, i hate weekends. I wish there were never any weekends. Seriously looking forward to the end of MYE. Then imma go out for bigbigbig shopping with people. Hopefully baby can come too :)

Today i drank a can of coke. -.- Omg fattening sia. I'm starting gym next week :) Wee, i plan to loe 10 pounds. God, that will make me 30 something kg only! Cannot cannot. Scared later wind blow i fly away T.T Okay lah, my goal i love 5 pounds by end of June. Think i can do it? -.- I veh lazy one, gym also 1 hr nia then go lepakkkk. Weee.

Omg the dream suddenly in my head again -.- GRR. Stop it ! Stop it ! Get out of my head, like now! ZZZ. Please leh, this dream really killing me now.

I don't want to live this world anymore. Haih, just take my life away i don't care anymore. I don't want to live, breathe neither do i want to love. Nah just kidding, i still want to love. Cos thats what keeps me going -.- Gah, so that makes breathing & living unecesarry. God, killme killme killme. :( I want to dieeeee, yes i'm serious.

Exams. Problems. Disturbance. Ignorance & Misery. ALL AT ONE TIME ! How you wish you will never be me.

I wish i just drop down & die.

Edit*--

I had a very very bad day, sigh, too many things happened. I need to meditate. Yes, thats exactly what i need right now. Omg, i feel like i'm about to fall off this cliff and theres practically no one, or should i say nothing below to catch me. Sigh. I cried my feelings out just a few minutes ago. My whole family went out for dinner. I have no mood to eat today. My dad scolded the shit out of me because i didn't have lunch & dinner, and tmrw as usual i ont have breakfast & lunch in school I was so fking pissed. He was telling me things like, oh see this is what happens when you hav boyfriends at this age, you dont eat bla bla. I dont know what the fuck he was talking about. I was just so rude to all of them, i shouted back, not like you know anything, i'm not hungry you cant force me to eat. Dun eat also wont die -.- Fk, i really have no mood. I started crying after they left, i was home alone, sitting on the stairs on the corner, no one to company me, no one to cheer me up. Suddenly while crying my doggy came to me and started licking the tears off my face on my cheeks & my eyes. I started laughing and hugging my dog. Sigh, sometimes dogs are really a man's best friend. My dog cheered me up in just what? 1 minute? I have no one now, haih im not sure what happened to baby. After 1.57pm today he didn't reply any of my messages, then i texted him again at 5.04pm he didnt reply. Well that was my last message, i've got no credit. I feel like dying all over again. I don't think i wanna go to school tmrw, i'm just going to lie down in bed all day with my dog. My eyes are swollen and red now, my cheeks are still wet because of the tears and my dogs saliva. (: My dog's currently sitting on my lap. Watching me type this while licking the keyboard and my fingers -.- Hahah. But i don't mind, sigh. I miss baby like hell. I needed you but you're not there. Haih, at least i still have my dog. Gah, i can't stop thinking about you, i miss you so much i can't even explain how much i do. I'm so afraid to lose you ye know? Especially because of the dream, it has made me even more catious and worse, it's made my trust for you loosen. Because of one stupid dream. Sigh, life sucks & then you die. I need you so much right now, i need you i need you, baby. Why aren't you here for me? Haih.

i love you so damned fucking hell much, baby.